Worst Of 2016

In a year of letdowns and total flops (“Inferno”), a select few movies emerged as notably more terrible than the rest. Here are the movies I reviled the most, in no particular order until the end, because it makes sense to save the worst for last.

“Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice” was certainly one of the biggest movies of the year in terms of scale, and given that it’s such a cluttered mess, it’s just as big a disappointment. The title promises a showdown between the two comic book icons, and their fight finishes with…the realization that their mothers have the same first name, which makes them BFFs forever. I wish I were kidding. Add to this a poorly structured story and you have yet another reminder that Warner Bros. can’t get the DC Comics canon right (“Suicide Squad” was another example of this) while Disney’s Marvel movies don’t miss.

Joel and Ethan Coen are Oscar winners (“No Country For Old Men”) and have made some great movies (“Fargo”). However, “Hail, Caesar!” is probably the worst film they’ve made: The story is scattered, and the homages to old Hollywood play like disconnected sketches rather than as part of a greater whole. George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, and everyone else involved have been much better before, and will be better again. But the stain of “Hail, Caesar!” will never fully leave them.

“Central Intelligence” is an ironic title for a movie this colossally stupid, poorly acted and embarrassingly scripted. Who in their right mind casts Dwayne Johnson as the “wacky” guy opposite a straight-edged Kevin Hart?

After 20 years, is “Independence Day: Resurgence” really the best they could do in a sequel? Will Smith’s career has already stagnated – imagine the vitriol if he signed up for this mistake of a movie as well. Thankfully for him he avoided it. Sadly, no one else involved in this disaster of a disaster pic can claim the same.

Speaking of dreadful sequels, “Bad Santa 2” is another one that bastardizes our fond memories of its original with unfunny jokes and a half-hearted story. The first movie was hilariously offensive and inappropriate – this one is just offensive and inappropriate.

Perhaps the only thing worse than high-minded platitudes is pretentious high-minded platitudes, and “Wiener-Dog” had them in spades. Feel free to flick off the screen when it’s over – I guarantee you’ll want to.

“X-Men: Apocalypse” is everything you don’t want a big-budget blockbuster to be: terrible and boring. As in: It has a terrible, boring villain, a terrible, boring story, terribly murky visual effects, and a bored cast.

“Ben-Hur” has now been made three times for the big screen, and this version is by far the worst. It’s barely watchable, as a $26 million box office gross (on a $100 million budget) reflects.

“Morgan” director Luke Scott is the son of Ridley Scott. It seems the apple does fall far from the tree.

“Deepwater Horizon” somehow, someway, found a way to include every cliché a movie like this could possibly have, and probably invented a few new ones along the way. The survivors, and those who perished in the April 2010 Gulf of Mexico oilrig explosion on which the movie is based, deserve better.

And finally, the worst movie of 2016: “Keeping Up With The Joneses.” It wasn’t just bad, it was a full-out abomination that was offensive to women. Consider: The equivalent of Zach Galifianakis and Jon Hamm having bro time by drinking snake wine is Isla Fisher and Gal Gadot trying on lingerie and doing kegel exercises. Come on. Add in an inept story, facile characters and bland visual effects and you won’t just want your money back, you’ll also be left yearning for the part of your soul that it crushes with its awfulness.

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